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Wednesday, 20 July 2011
The Princess And The Paperclip
Vermeer’s 'The Milk Maiden' Just to add a bit of class.
Are you sitting comfortably? Then I shall begin.
A long, long time ago, there was a wonderful milk maiden who lived in the enchanted suburbs of the west midlands, it was said that she was of such beauty that even those without sight could sense it.
One day whilst milking daisy the cash cow she came upon a handsome prince who immediately offered her a low paid administrative roll in a market research company located in the far away land of Warwick Technology Park.
Cover of Machiavelli's 'The Prince' Keeping it high brow
She accepted the roll with much relish and soon the maiden and the prince fell stereotypically in love over by the faulty fax machine with the annoying hum. The Princes parents, the king and queen of HR, were sceptical of their coupling as they were unsure a mere temp would be suitable princess material. No maiden short of having a mid to high salary position including a decent pension plan and company car had ever become a princess!
So they devised a test, it was said that only a lady fair enough to become a princess could feel a single paperclip located below a thousand pages of high quality, headed, A4 laser paper. So that very afternoon they insisted the Maiden copy type a proposed business plan whilst seated upon a thousand sheets of high quality, headed, A4 laser paper instead of her ergonomic, heath and safety approved, office chair with air adjustable height and added lumbar support.
Just some paper really
In truth she found this surprisingly comfortable (although constantly aware of the danger of ignoring office health and safety procedure) but when asked by the king how she was getting on she replied 'Not very well, I seem to be only managing 35 words per minute compared to my average 50. It must be that I'm so uncomfortable on this high quality, headed, A4 laser paper. It seems so lumpy!'
'Well!' the king exclaimed 'Only a maiden fit for a princess could have felt that paperclip! She shall marry our son at once and shall bare his child, and when she does we'll send someone to Sainsbury to buy a card and all in the land shall sign upon it.'
And a Little something for the ladies!
And so, the prince and his princess lived happily ever after, despite only receiving statutory maternity leave and the prince being made redundant after the contract with Glaxosmithkline fell through.
'But how did she know about the paperclip?' I hear you ask, well the answer is simple: Janet in accounts told her.