Important Historical Periods

I know what you're thinking 'Oh no, I bet this is a cheap joke about menstruation' and you, my friend, are correct but hear me out. Some of the most important events in history can be attributed to this wonder of nature and as I stated in my last blog I am somewhat of an expert on the subject. Let me take you on a fascinating journey into the world of important historical periods, without which our world would not be the same.

Eve
Our first stop is the mother of all human life and by default the inventor of the subject at hand. Given menstruation as a punishment from god she was forced to fashion a sanitary towel from a fig leaf(pictured) this was after much experimentation and numerous failures which include stinging nettles, a poison ivy leaf and a hedgehog.

Virgin Mary
This isn't so much an important historical period as much as a lack of one.
Mary started to worry when she was two weeks late(Pictured) and decided to pee on a parsnip(An early form of clear blue) when the parsnip came back positive she started to panic, as she was a saint she decided to tell Joseph but Joseph was none to happy with the news.
Things got ugly when they decided to take a paternity test on Jeremy Kyle and Joseph stormed off back stage. While Jeremy Kyle was more interested in why God had got a 12 year old pregnant in the first place "Look at me!!!"

Mary 1st
Her nickname alone would be enough to warrant her place here, but she has a far more important place in the history of menstruation. It is a little known fact Queen Mary 1st was actually the inventor of the modern day tampon, she was so proud of her new invention she can be seen holding one in this famous painting.
It is believed to have been fashioned out of owl feathers and bread. Unfortunately her invention did not catch on for many years as they had not yet invented string and the unfortunate user was forced to cough up the used instrument.

Russell Crowe

Star of stage and screen Russell Crowe hit the head lines in 2008 when he was declared the first man to have a full menstrual cycle. Speaking at the Cannes film festival Crowe said "I'm over them moon mate, better than winning an Oscar, I feel so at one with nature and my body! I've had a Dolce & Gabbana make me a selection of tampons made the traditional way with the finest tawny owl feathers"
Since then Russell has gone on to breast feed his two sons and throw a phone at a mans head.



Summary
Well, I hope I have imparted wisdom upon you with the above essay. Just a few berries from the tree of knowledge for your young minds to feast upon. I will be signing off now but I will leave you with these words of wisdom from the late great Nobel prize winning physicist Niels Bohr 'Tomato ketchup tastes better in the fridge but it just seems wrong somehow'


Good day,

Mr M