Fear!!!

I've been having a lot of nightmares lately and I don't like them, they're not like the ones I used to have when I was a kid, where there was something obvious to be scared of, like monsters or a flashback from an encounter with an angry dog. These seem more sinister, more confusing, somehow darker and harder to shake, every night the same- Michael Stipe sitting at the end of my bed stroking my feet and crying.

So, as a sort of therapy I've decided to use this blog to help me face my nightmares, to dig deep and tell the world(well the 10 people who'll read this) my deepest, darkest fears !!!

Childhood fears

Chip pans, sparklers, someone handing me scissors the wrong way around, a deadly cocktail of fizzy sweets and coke, strangers, getting caught masturbating by my mum, anyone offering sweets,being stuck in the house, Griff Tannon from Back to the Future 2, my Master System braking, watching TV in a storm, Noel Edmond's and girls.

Adult fears
Forgetting my Pin number, the computer telling me I have 2 days to change my password, getting ill on a Friday, children of any descriptions, poor WIFI signal, Griff Tannon from Back to the Future 2, my Xbox 360 braking, getting caught masturbating by my wife, piles, car insurance, leaving the house, choosing record once instead of record series on SKY Plus, Noel Edmond's dying and women.

Life long fears
Only having one egg basket, getting so pissed off with my face that I violently remove my nose with a knife, opening a hot cake shop and not being able to meet demand, inviting too many friends around for a broth making party and my old rolling stones collection covered in moss.

I could go on, as you can see I am scared of pretty much everything, so to save everybody time I have constructed a crude flow chart. Behold, the MS paint flow chart of fear!!!

THE FLOWCHART OF FEAR!!!