My Body

The human body comes in two main chassis types, the sleeker, sportier female model with pop up headlights and large boot but which tends to be rather a lot noisier or the bulkier, sturdier male version which produces far higher emissions and has a tendency to break down.
I chose to test drive the meatier Male version (albeit with the large pop-up headlights normally reserved for the female model)and 30 years into this test I can finally confirm it's crap.

Crap car analogy aside, it's only really dawned on me how badly built I am, so I have a few questions for god or Mr Evolution or whoever put my rather ample frame together.


1) Why does earwax taste so bad?

2) Why can't I fake smile?

3) Why can't I remember my own phone number?

5) Why are my hips so big?

6) Why do I like lady-ga-ga when I really want to hate her?

7) Why do I randomly want to hit people?

8) Why have internal organs that you will have to have removed anyway?

9) Why have nerves attached to your teeth?

10) Why don't I ever know where I'm going?

11) Why are kittens cuter than babies?

12) Why have toe nails?

13) Why can't I urinate next to someone?

14) Why do we hate the cold but the sun gives us cancer?

15) Why can't we all be wizards?

16) Why can't gay couples have babies naturally?

17) What’s the point of dandruff?

18) Kidney stones? Why?!?

19) Why do we I have such an extreme reaction when a daddy long legs flies in my face?

20) Why doesn’t sweat smell like freshly baked bread?

21) Why do vaginas look so angry?

22)Serioulsy, why am I not a wizard??!?!??!!

23) Why are genitals placed in the most awkward part of the body when they’re meant to be rubbed together?

24)why can't I tell when a list going on too long?


If you're god and you happen to be reading this please leave comments below. Oh, and if you wouldn’t mind, could you fix the AIDs thing you started in the 80's? If Microsoft cured the red ring of death I'm pretty sure you can fix one itty bitty little pandemic.